we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize