He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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