Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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