Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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