where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize