wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize