uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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