i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize