that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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