So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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