We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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