I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize