I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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