Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize