Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize