she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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