Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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