he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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