Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I need moral support for this bender
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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