if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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