if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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