yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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