your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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