Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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