Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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