I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
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I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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