well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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