I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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