I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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