So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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