My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
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I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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