i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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