I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize