It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
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Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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