I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize