you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize