Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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