Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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