she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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