I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize