I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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