Sry I called you an 8
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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