i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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