he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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