Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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