i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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