Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize