So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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