think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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