Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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